Monday, July 25, 2011
The Beast Within
Monday, July 18, 2011
Cellular Frustration
Recently it's become law in these here parts that you can't pick up your cell phone while driving. This requires you to wear an ear piece to talk on your phone while driving or don't talk on your phone at all. It annoys me due to the backwards ridiculousness of the entire matter.
If you're going to ban cell phone usage (i.e. picking up a device in your hand while driving with the other) then you've got to ban everything else. Let's outlaw eating large burgers while driving, applying makeup, masturbating, playing a game boy and working on your laptop. All while driving. I've seen people doing all of the above while driving. Most of these things take the eyes off the road far more than picking up a cell phone. Especially when the pickle on your burger falls in your lap and your digging around for it while swerving down the interstate.
I've always had a theory that talking on the phone is not distracting because your one hand isn't free. It's because you're talking. People seem pretty damned distracted when talking, whether these people are actually in the car or on the phone. Obviously a lot of people disagree with me on this one. I just have happened to notice that when other people are in the car with someone driving, the driver often gets distracted. It seems even more dangerous since heads are in the way of blind spots and there is general social excitement happening all within the car.
Ear pieces are a mess. You've got to pay tons of money to find one that doesn't make you sound like you're communicating with a tin can. Not only that but I don't talk on the phone all that much. When someone calls me it's important. When they call me I like to answer if I can. Unfortunately, I can no longer answer the phone in my car now that there is a law and a million cops jumping at the chance to pull you over. I will not be using an ear piece because the only thing I do less than talk on the phone may be drive. I don't do a lot of either on most days, so really it's a rare occasion when I answer the phone in the car. The two rarely line up. That being said I'm not about to get a call while driving, search for my ear piece, turn the bloody thing on and then start talking. Obviously that's a lot more dangerous than picking up the phone, never having to look at it, and answering.
Of course this law was one invented out of the lack of common sense. Much like "DO NOT USE TOASTER OVEN WHILE IN THE BATH TUB," the law of not using a cell phone while driving was born from similar stock. If you're driving like a NASCAR driver down the freeway you should exercise some self control and logically not use the cell phone. If you're taking a casual 95 mph Sunday drive down Mulholland, you may also want to think twice about taking both hands or eyes off the wheel. But of course people didn't do that and here we are today with a law punishing everyone for a bunch of people's misuseage.
I think the lady swerving behind me with her face stuck in her rear view while she delicately applies mascara is who I'm more concerned about. Of course I'm concerned about anybody who is looking anywhere else but where they're going while driving. I'll be very excited to see the outlaw of dining while eating. If I see one more person with a cup of soup on their dashboard and a tuna melt in their lap while driving ...
We discussed this further on The Fabulous D Show this weekend along with an amazing story involving Richard Dawkins, of whom we absolutely adore!
Listen to The Fabulous D Show every Sunday night at 7 PM EST / 12 AM GMT right here atTheArtistD.com. Where we try to give you the anti-opinion and the opposite view with whatever truth is left that we could find from the underground collective. Every episodedownloadable now, right here, direct from me to you without interruption from anybody I don't want you to hear.
If you're going to ban cell phone usage (i.e. picking up a device in your hand while driving with the other) then you've got to ban everything else. Let's outlaw eating large burgers while driving, applying makeup, masturbating, playing a game boy and working on your laptop. All while driving. I've seen people doing all of the above while driving. Most of these things take the eyes off the road far more than picking up a cell phone. Especially when the pickle on your burger falls in your lap and your digging around for it while swerving down the interstate.
I've always had a theory that talking on the phone is not distracting because your one hand isn't free. It's because you're talking. People seem pretty damned distracted when talking, whether these people are actually in the car or on the phone. Obviously a lot of people disagree with me on this one. I just have happened to notice that when other people are in the car with someone driving, the driver often gets distracted. It seems even more dangerous since heads are in the way of blind spots and there is general social excitement happening all within the car.
Ear pieces are a mess. You've got to pay tons of money to find one that doesn't make you sound like you're communicating with a tin can. Not only that but I don't talk on the phone all that much. When someone calls me it's important. When they call me I like to answer if I can. Unfortunately, I can no longer answer the phone in my car now that there is a law and a million cops jumping at the chance to pull you over. I will not be using an ear piece because the only thing I do less than talk on the phone may be drive. I don't do a lot of either on most days, so really it's a rare occasion when I answer the phone in the car. The two rarely line up. That being said I'm not about to get a call while driving, search for my ear piece, turn the bloody thing on and then start talking. Obviously that's a lot more dangerous than picking up the phone, never having to look at it, and answering.
Of course this law was one invented out of the lack of common sense. Much like "DO NOT USE TOASTER OVEN WHILE IN THE BATH TUB," the law of not using a cell phone while driving was born from similar stock. If you're driving like a NASCAR driver down the freeway you should exercise some self control and logically not use the cell phone. If you're taking a casual 95 mph Sunday drive down Mulholland, you may also want to think twice about taking both hands or eyes off the wheel. But of course people didn't do that and here we are today with a law punishing everyone for a bunch of people's misuseage.
I think the lady swerving behind me with her face stuck in her rear view while she delicately applies mascara is who I'm more concerned about. Of course I'm concerned about anybody who is looking anywhere else but where they're going while driving. I'll be very excited to see the outlaw of dining while eating. If I see one more person with a cup of soup on their dashboard and a tuna melt in their lap while driving ...
We discussed this further on The Fabulous D Show this weekend along with an amazing story involving Richard Dawkins, of whom we absolutely adore!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
No, I'm Nothing Like You
I found myself this morning on the unfortunate path called Memory Lane. I find it absurd to be reminiscent or take too many trips down that particular lane. While taking that trip I usually find that the people I was once ridiculed by have turned into everything they once seemed to hate. They ruined their lives by doing nothing with it and are now everything they told me not to be. The hay day of their existence was apparently somewhere between 9th and 12th grade in high school. Where they tortured me for being fat, lazy and lackluster.
Looking back I find them where I left them. In the same town they were born in, fat, lazy and lackluster. They look old. There are lines on their faces and those old looking dents. These people are the same age or even a little younger than me. Meanwhile I am light years behind in the aging department. I've done more in my life than they ever have. I've abused my body with substances to the hilt and yet somehow maintained a less abused look. I wonder if that is because I actually lived my life instead of circled around the black hole of what many call a home town.
Those from before who really bother me today are the ones that are dead. There's still not been such a nagging feeling as knowing someone who is on the same timeline as you has expired. It always bothers me, at least for the first few months around their death. Once I have exceeded their expiration date and am far enough away I start to feel a little better. I even feel better about myself in a survivor mentality. Even though I know I could get my ticket punched at any time just like they already have. Another one bites the dust and I managed to live longer than they did. Meanwhile I know that feeling is about as valid as winning a Bingo game. It's all random and you had little to nothing to do about it.
In the end I am so happy that I have nothing in common with these people other than the human condition. Remember the ones going on about how all we do is be born, pay taxes and die? Well, I'm pleased that there is a hell of a lot more to my existence than being born, paying taxes and dying.
In the words of Macy Gray, "get up, get out and do something." I may live. I may die. But I got up, got out and continue to do something. And I always make sure the RECORD button is on while I do it too ...
Listen to The Fabulous D Show every Sunday night at 7 PM EST / 12 AM GMT right here atTheArtistD.com. Where we try to give you the anti-opinion and the opposite view with whatever truth is left that we could find from the underground collective. Every episodedownloadable now, right here, direct from me to you without interruption from anybody I don't want you to hear.
Looking back I find them where I left them. In the same town they were born in, fat, lazy and lackluster. They look old. There are lines on their faces and those old looking dents. These people are the same age or even a little younger than me. Meanwhile I am light years behind in the aging department. I've done more in my life than they ever have. I've abused my body with substances to the hilt and yet somehow maintained a less abused look. I wonder if that is because I actually lived my life instead of circled around the black hole of what many call a home town.
In the end I am so happy that I have nothing in common with these people other than the human condition. Remember the ones going on about how all we do is be born, pay taxes and die? Well, I'm pleased that there is a hell of a lot more to my existence than being born, paying taxes and dying.
In the words of Macy Gray, "get up, get out and do something." I may live. I may die. But I got up, got out and continue to do something. And I always make sure the RECORD button is on while I do it too ...
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